Hogwarts Hijinks!
by Anjion
Summary: What happens when you take three best friends, two crazy fangirl authors and a group of singing, dancing Newsies and put them in the world of Harry Potter? Read on to find out! WARNING: Extreme hilarity and chaos within!


**By Biankies and Anjion**

 **A/N: This is a collaboration between me and my good friend, Biankies, and features our 3 favourite sidekicks, Babkak, Omar and Kassim from Aladdin (specifically those from the original Broadway cast) and the movie Newsies.**

 **Disclaimer: We don't own any of the characters except Mac, Lacey and ourselves. Please read and review!**

 **AA/N: Mac and Lacey are Newsies. Mac is the doctor to her friends and Lacey is Spot's second-in-command and annoys him mercilessly! Enjoy!**

( _It is a very soggy day in Manhattan; the rain, which has been falling for two whole days, is torrential and the Newsies have not had any work because nobody is going out. So their two friends Anjion and Biankies – or Stars and Mouse – are reading them a story about a Wizard who goes to a special Wizard school where he meets lots of new friends and learns more about his worst enemy._..)

LES: Hey, wouldn't it be fun if _we_ were Witches and Wizards? Then we could cast spells on people to _make_ them buy our papes!

( _There is a general buzz of agreement from around the room. Omar, who is wearing a bedsheet 'cape' and a paper cone hat, waves his wooden 'wand' excitedly._ )

OMAR: Yeah, then we wouldn't have to rely on Genie all the time!

DAVID: I expect it _would_ be fun, if it were possible for us to _be_ Witches and Wizards... which it isn't...

( _It is at this moment that a strange portal appears in the middle of the room and everyone present falls into it.._.)

SKITTERY: ( _rather nervously_ ) Where are we?

( _Everyone looks at Biankies and Anjion who have a knack for causing trouble._..)

ANJION: It looks strangely familiar... Almost like I've seen it before...

OMAR: ( _shrieking_ ) Look, it's that maze again! I don't wanna go in there, Kassim, DON'T MAKE ME GO IN THERE!

KASSIM: ( _wincing_ ) I wasn't going to...

ANJION: That's it! We're at Hogwarts! But _this_ time, we've avoided the maze!

PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL: ( _suddenly appearing_ ) And what are you all doing out here? Hurry, you'll be late...

( _The suddenness of the teacher's arrival sends the cowardly trio known as Skittery, Omar and Mouse jumping onto the closest person.._.)

KASSIM: ( _looking at Anjion who is miraculously still standing_ ) Here we go again...

ANJION: If I find myself a wand during this adventure, you'd better look out guys!

( _All three get down at once. McGonagall raises an eyebrow but says nothing_.)

RACE: ( _looking in awe at the huge castle before us_ ) Wow! That is some impressive ark-ee...um, ark-ee-tec... What's the word?

DAVID: Architecture.

RACE: Yeah, that.

( _Everyone is so engrossed in the building that no one notices the pair of large, round green eyes watching from a nearby bush.._.)

( _We walk towards Hogwarts when a noise can be heard behind us, sending the three cowards running away._ )

KASSIM: Not again! Omar! Get back here!

MUSH: ( _sounding decidedly nervous_ ) What was that?

MCGONAGALL: I have no idea. Come along!

( _Swifty, Anjion and Kassim run to rescue the cowardly trio, and nobody is any the wiser about the source of the strange noise_.

 _A few minutes later, everyone is once again gathered in front of the castle, nervously following the elderly Professor._ )

MCGONAGALL: By the way, where are your robes? ( _She casts a critical eye over those of our number who are still sporting their bedsheet capes and paper hats._ ) Those are _not_ proper Hogwarts uniforms. Although it is good to know that some of you have at least made an effort...

ANJION: I think this calls for a trip to Diagon Alley.

MAC: How are we supposed to get there?

( _Anjion points down at the pair of ruby red slippers that each person is suddenly wearing. The boys all gasp in horror and there is a cry of "I'M WEARING GIRLS' SHOES?!" from Spot_.)

ANJION: I imagine we just have to bang our heels together and say "There's no place like Diagon Alley."

( _She proceeds to do so and vanishes. With reluctance, the boys follow suit, and suddenly they are in a bustling little street filled with magical whatnot. We all look around to find the store where we are supposed to buy our robes, and then someone spots a very familiar joke shop.._.)

SNIPES: ( _in a whisper_ ) Wow! Look at this place! I'm gonna take a look...

( _He and a couple of the younger boys slip into the joke shop while the rest of us, unaware, make our way down the street towards the robe shop. But then someone gets distracted by a shop window full of owls._..)

DUTCHY: Hey, look at these owls! They've got such big eyes! Ha ha, this one kinda looks like you, Specs!

( _Specs glares at him_.)

OMAR: Can I touch it?

( _He moves his hand towards the owl which is ruffling its feathers... Biankies and Anjion see and try to stop him.._.)

BIANKIES AND ANJION: Omar, don't!

( _A flurry of feathers later..._ )

OMAR: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

MAC: Don't tell me, his finger's bleeding.

KASSIM: ( _examining his friend's hand_ ) Yep.

BIANKIES: ( _leaning closer to Anjion_ ) I thought he'd have learnt by now!

DRACO MALFOY: ( _appearing out of nowhere_ ) What's wrong with him?

 _(Draco's sudden appearance right behind Anjion sends her jumping onto Kassim in surprise_.)

KASSIM: Stars, get off. It's bad enough when Mouse and Omar do it!

ANJION: But I like it here. You're so strong...

DRACO: Oh, it's you guys! Are you here to buy pets?

DAVID: No.

( _He pulls Specs away from a large, purring black cat he is petting fondly. Specs glares._ )

RON: ( _appearing behind Biankies_ ) All _I've_ got is a smelly old rat. I've given up trying to make him yellow...

ANJION: That reminds me, we need wands! Come on!

( _Biankies squeaks, runs to Kassim – who moves out of the way – and ends up jumping on Anjion_.)

ANJION: Ooof! Not again! Mouse, get _off!_

RON: Sorry! I forgot that one scares easy.

DRACO: It's still funny.

ANJION: Come on, I can see Ollivander's!

DAVID: That's the wand shop, right?

RACE: ( _to Biankies_ ) I'm not sure everyone ought to have a wand... ( _He_ _looks sideways at Omar.._.)

BIANKIES: STARS! WAIT UP!

RACE: ( _wincing_ ) And _that_ was my ear.

( _Biankies catches up to Anjion just outside the wand shop_.)

BIANKIES: You sure you want Omar to have a wand?

ANJION: Aw, what harm can he do?

( _She leads the crowd – which now includes those who have returned from the Joke Shop – into Ollivander's wand shop_.)

BABKAK: ( _to Kassim_ ) I bet you she'll regret that later...

KASSIM: Aw, come on Babkak, what harm can he do? He probably won't be able to work one anyway...

OMAR: ( _from inside the shop_ ) Wow! This thing is AWESOME!

ANJION AND OLLIVANDER: Don't wave it about so, you'll break some-

( _There is the sound of something falling over and a loud shattering noise, followed by a sudden silence_.)

OMAR: S-Sorry...

BIANKIES: Be careful with that thing!

( _Omar waves his wand again and everyone turns into a variety of animals.._.)

BEAR MUSH: Hey Mouse, why are you so small? And why do I feel so big?

PIG BABKAK: I think I'm a pig.

MONKEY KASSIM: Babkak, you're a pig even when you're _not_ an animal...

GREAT DANE DUTCHY: Look at me! I'm so regal!

RACOON SPECS: You couldn't be regal if it bit you!

( _There is a sudden loud noise and a flurry of feathers as Sparrow Omar takes to the air, chased by Cat Les._ )

OWL ANJION: Ollivander, can you turn us back?

FERRET DRACO: Yeah, I don't like being a ferret!

( _Ollivander, despite being a duck, manages to wave his wand and turn us all back into humans._ )

DAVID: ( _brushing the last traces of fur off his nose_ ) Thanks. Rabbits are _not_ my favourite animals.

ANJION: You okay, Mouse? Good, then let's go. Where's Omar?

OMAR: ( _from up in the roof_ ) Help! I can't get down...

BIANKIES: How in the name of monkey bars did he get up there?

KASSIM: ( _looking nervous_ ) M-monkey bars?

ANJION: Not the edible sort of "bar", Kassim.

( _Kassim looks relieved._ )

DRACO: ( _rolling his eyes_ ) I'm surrounded by cowards!

SKITTERY, MOUSE AND OMAR: Hey!

MUSH: You ain't much better!

OMAR: We got a problem, remember?!

KASSIM: Yeah; he called us cowards!

OMAR: No, I'm still stuck!

RACE: ( _still trying to resist the urge to gallop off like a racehorse_ ) To answer your question, Mouse, he flew up there.

ANJION: And now we've got to get him down.

DRACO: ( _hopefully_ ) Aww, couldn't we just leave him there?

( _Everyone glares at him._ )

KASSIM: Well, I ain't going up there, I don't like heights.

ALADDIN: Since when?

KASSIM: Since the Genie crashed the carpet into that warehouse in the first story Stars and Mouse wrote.

ALADDIN: Fair enough.

GENIE: ( _popping up_ ) I'll get him down!

( _He snaps his fingers and the beam that Omar is sitting on breaks; and with a yell he tumbles downwards, landing on Kassim, who groans_.)

KASSIM: Ow...

GENIE: You're welcome! ( _He disappears in a puff of smoke_.)

ALADDIN: Well, that worked...

DRACO: ( _still snickering_ ) That was entertaining.

RON: I hate to agree but it was.

KASSIM: ( _glaring at the wizards_ ) Mouse, Stars, you can do anything in a story, right?

( _The two authors nod and Kassim whispers something to them.._.)

ANJION: ( _trying not to laugh_ ) You got it! We can do that, right, Mouse?

( _Biankies nods and we both pull out our wands, turn the two laughing wizards into ferrets and bounce them around the shop..._ )

KASSIM: ( _leaning closer to Mouse and Anjion_ ) Oh I love being your favourite...

ANJION: Actually, I prefer Omar, but you're a close second.

OLLIVANDER: Please go away! Your friend has already done enough damage!

( _Omar goes red with embarrassment and runs out of the shop. We restore the two wizards before following him_.)

DAVID: ( _grabbing Les' shirt so he can't run off_ ) Now we need some robes...

BABKAK: ( _as we set off_ ) Mine had better be green. I like green...

BIANKIES: Come on, let's get our robes. And they're _not_ green, Babkak. They're black.

OMAR: ( _suddenly_ ) I thought you guys said no pets.

BIANKIES: We did, why?

RON: ( _still a little upset about being turned into a ferret_ ) Then why does _he_ get to have one?

( _Everyone turns to look at Bumlets, who is desperately trying to hide the tiny Scops owl that he is holding. He gives a guilty grin._ )

BUMLETS: Sorry, I just couldn't resist. ( _He looks lovingly at the bird._ ) He's called Henry...

ANJION: Well, we can't do anything about it now. Bumlets, he's your responsibility. Come on, here's the robe shop.

( _About an hour later._..)

SNITCH: I can't believe you got us kicked out, Babkak!

SWIFTY: You really shouldn't have eaten the lady's sandwich...

BABKAK: I didn't realise it was her lunch!

SKITTERY: Well, if we get told off for not having the right robes, it's _your_ fault.

RON AND DRACO: ( _evilly_ ) You'd better keep away from Filch, then, 'cause he'll kill you if you do a single thing wrong...

( _Omar, Kassim and Skittery all go very pale.._.)

BIANKIES: I have an idea...

( _She looks at Anjion and points to her wand, but Anjion looks blankly at her friend. So Biankies whispers in her ear._ )

ANJION: Oh! Good idea! Don't worry, boys, Mouse and I will cast a spell that makes it _look_ like you're wearing the right robes!

DAVID: Great idea Mouse! At least _one_ of us is sensible!

( _Everyone stares at him. Anjion glares at him. David retreats behind Mush._ )

( _Biankies smiles happily until she spots a certain teacher and ends up running away squeaking.._.)

RON: What's up with her?

ANJION: Oh no, it's Snape! He'll see straight through the spell! Quick everyone, hold hands! We're going back to Hogwarts!

( _Biankies and Anjion quickly disapperate everyone and reappear in the Great Hall, just as the Sorting ends. Professor McGonagall glares disapprovingly at us and Dumbledore gazes at us with interest. We quickly sit down at the large empty table that has clearly been put aside for a large party such as ourselves!_ )

DUMBLEDORE: And now, let the feast, BEGIN!

( _The tables in front of us suddenly fill up with food and Babkak swoons in pleasure! Omar and Kassim almost start drooling; they have never seen so much food in one place! And the Newsies have already started swiping bread rolls and other small tidbits.._.)

ALADDIN: ( _rousing his euphoric friend_ ) Come on, Babkak, or you'll get nothing!

( _A few moments later_ )

ANJION: ( _looking behind Swifty who is sitting across the table_ ) Oh, hi Nick!

RACE: Huh? Who're you talking to?

NEARLY HEADLESS NICK: ( _floating through the solid table_ ) I believe she is speaking to _me_.

OMAR: AAAAAAGGGGGHHHHhh... ( _He faints in fright and topples backwards_.)

ANJION: ( _grinning conspiratorially at Biankies_ ) How's your head, Nick?

NICK: Oh, same as always. Still attached - just.

ANJION: Won't you show us?

( _Nick obligingly grips his hair and lifts his ghostly head almost completely off his neck._ )

KASSIM: Oh, that's gross... ( _He faints forward into his plate of food_.)

( _Babkak stares at his plate, which is piled high. Then, to our surprise, he pushes it away_.)

BABKAK: I think I've lost my appetite...

BIANKIES: Now that was fun. ( _She high-fives Anjion_.)

DAVID: That was disgusting!

LES: That was _cool_!

BIANKIES: ( _with an evil grin_ ) Hey Stars, are you plotting what I'm plotting?

( _She looks mischievously at David as Omar and Kassim start coming to._ )

ANJION: ( _grinning evilly_ ) Heh heh heh...

DAVID: ( _looking wary_ ) Stars, Mouse, what are you planning...?

ANJION: ( _still grinning evilly_ ) Heh heh heh...

SKITTERY: Stop doing that! You're making me nervous!

ANJION: Sorry...

( _Biankies slips away from the table and heads to a certain pair of Gryffindor troublemakers._ )

Biankies: ( _returning to Anjion's side and whispering_ ) Get under the table in ten seconds.

( _A few seconds later, the room erupts into chaos as a mass of pies suddenly rains down on the students, just as two troublemakers and two troublesome authors duck under the table._..)

PIE EATER: ( _as someone steals his pudding_ ) Hey! That was _mine_!

LES: ( _thoroughly enjoying himself_ ) Take _that_!

( _He throws a pie at a random Slytherin, who hurls one back, misses, and hits Babkak instead._ )

BABKAK: ( _licking his lips_ ) Mmmmmm!

HERMIONE: Stop! This is atrocious! You're all behaving like a group of schoolboys... Oh.

( _Kassim comes up behind a frantic and bewildered Omar and taps him on the shoulder. Omar, reacting instinctively, whirls round and plants the pie he is holding straight into Kassim's face. Kassim freezes for a second before spitting out a mouthful of custard._ )

OMAR: S-s-sorry...

ANJION: ( _chuckling from her safe spot_ ) Hee hee! I hope they don't realise that _we_ started this or we're in Big Trouble...!

( _At this point, a small tabby cat appears beside us and we both jump..._ )

BIANKIES: Starsie, we got a problem.

ANJION: ( _gulping_ ) Oh no! McGonagall! ( _Adopts innocent attitude_ ) Oh, hi, Professor! We just got under the table to get out of the way!

( _Biankies nods frantically in agreement, rather resembling a Nodding Dog on a very bumpy road. McGonagall, who is human now, pulls her 'I am not fooled' face_.)

MCGONAGALL: ( _sternly_ ) In normal circumstances, you would have detention at the very least, and a longer one for your lack of robes, but Dumbledore has instructed me to let you off on this occasion as he finds this whole mess amusing.

( _She changes back into a cat and disappears, leaving us looking at each other in amazement_.)

MAC: ( _who has since joined us under the table_ ) Well, _that_ was a lucky escape! We'd better be on our best behaviour from now on...

( _The crazy authors nod then shake their heads and nod again._ )

MUSH: Come on out, guys. They're done.

( _The three of us come out from under the table only to be pelted with pies, so we immediately pull out our wands and turn the group blue.._.)

OMAR: ( _in delight_ ) Hey, I LOVE blue!

KASSIM: Well, _I_ don't appreciate looking like a blueberry.

BABKAK: Blueberries? Where?

( _A nervous Gryffindor prefect comes up to the group very reluctantly_.)

PREFECT: Um, Professor Dumbledore has asked me to show you to your rooms. He says the sooner you get out of here, the better.

DUTCHY: ( _who is furiously cleaning cream off his glasses_ ) We get rooms?

PREFECT: Yes, you've got your own private suite. It's huge, apparently...

RACE: Oh good!

ANJION: ( _to Biankies_ ) I hope there's nothing breakable in there...

BIANKIES: Yeah, cause these guys are worse than us.

MAC: No, Swifty, its not a good idea to race! Omar slow down!

( _A few seconds later a loud crash is heard._..)

( _We rush onwards to find Omar on his back, looking blankly up at the ceiling, and Swifty with a bucket stuck on his head_!)

SWIFTY: ( _rather muffled_ ) Hey! Who turned the lights out?!

MAC: ( _to a worried Babkak_ ) Omar's just stunned, he'll be alright in a little while.

( _Mush and Snoddy finally manage to get the bucket off Swifty's head and then, gathering up the dazed Omar, we continue to follow the shaken prefect._ )

( _A few moments later, inside our rooms_ )

TUMBLER AND LES: Wow! ( _They race to bounce onto the nearest bed._ )

( _We all look around in awe while the nervous Prefect slips away, but our pleasure is cut short by a shriek from Romeo, who has just spotted a pair of large green eyes peering shyly out from a cupboard..._ )

MAC: What's wrong?

ROMEO: ( _pointing to the cupboard_ ) There's something with scary green eyes in there...

BIANKIES: ( _recognising the creature_ ) Aww... Come on out Dobby.

DOBBY: ( _emerging_ ) Dobby is sorry for scaring the strange, loud boy. Dobby only wanted to look!

( _Most of the boys draw closer together at the sight of this strange, big-eared creature, making us girls chuckle._ )

ANJION: Aww, are you scared of Dobby? He won't hurt you!

DOBBY: ( _rather less shyly_ ) Look what Dobby can do!

( _He clicks his fingers and a large Grecian urn that is sitting proudly on one of the wardrobes is suddenly airborne.._.)

MAC, BIANKIES AND ANJION: Dobby, NO!

( _Too late, the urn falls to the ground as if in slow motion and shatters upon the carpet._ )

ANJION: Quick! Let's get outta here!

DOBBY: Dobby can help. Dobby can take you somewhere safe.

BIANKIES: Yes please, Dobby. The last thing we need is for the Genie to come help again...

GENIE: ( _appearing_ ) Did somebody call?

EVERYONE: NO!

( _This startles Omar, who has just come back to his senses, and with a squeal he hops off the bed, slips out the door and zooms along the corridor until he is out of sight. We all look at each other, then give chase_.)

KASSIM: Omar, come back!

ANJION: ( _to Biankies_ ) I hope he doesn't end up in Snape's classroom! That would _not_ end well...

BIANKIES: No, but how do we find him?

KASSIM: ( _smiling evilly_ ) I have an idea.

( _He pulls Biankies and Skittery together and yells from behind them in a rather creepy voice, sending the two cowards running_.)

DAVID: Great. Now we have to find _three_ of them.

KASSIM: Nope. The Cowardly Trio has a way of sticking together. _They'll_ find Omar, and _we_ just have to follow them.

( _We chase after the fleeing cowards, all the way to a very familiar classroom with a not so friendly teacher.._.)

( _When we finally catch up, Omar is nowhere in sight, Skittery is out cold on the floor and Biankies is standing stock still, opening and shutting her mouth like a goldfish_.)

SNAPE: And what have we here?

DAVID: Er, we're kinda lost...

ANJION: Er, have you seen a tall guy in blue clothes? We're looking for him...

SNAPE: Yes, I have seen him. He ran away. Now go away. I am teaching.

KASSIM: ( _in a rather nervous, high-pitched voice_ ) Thank you, sir, we'll just be going...

( _And, picking up Skittery, we flee_.)

BIANKIES: ( _still sounding squeaky_ ) Wait for me!

RACE: ( _glaring at Kassim_ ) So much for your plan.

BABKAK: We still have to find Omar...

ANJION: He'll turn up sooner or later.

( _Omar suddenly reappears at speed, yelling and trying to dodge the apples that are being thrown at his head by some unseen creature._ )

ANJION: There you are! ( _to the invisible creature_ ) Thanks Peeves!

BIANKIES: ( _leaning into Anjion and whispering quietly_ ) Can we please plot something now? Something like turning Kassim into a monkey?

KASSIM: Please, no!

ANJION: ( _ignoring him_ ) Yeah, why not?

PIE EATER: ( _suddenly_ ) Oh Mouse, you are the loveliest thing I have ever seen! ( _He looks at Biankies with hearts in his eyes_.) Such beauty! So amazing...

( _We all stare at him, aghast, wondering what on earth could have come over the boy, until Blink spots the half-eaten currant bun that Pie is holding...)_

BLINK: Where did _that_ come from?

PIE: ( _dreamily_ ) I found it in Snape's room...

ANJION: Uh oh, eating a bun from a Potion Master is _not_ a good idea...

BIANKIES: ( _looks nervously at Anjion then back at Pie, who is making kissy faces at her_ ) Petrificus Totalus!

( _Pie eater falls to the floor, as rigid as a stone statue_.)

BIANKIES: Phew!

MAC: What do we do?

BIANKIES: I hate to say it but we gotta go back to Snape...

( _Omar, deciding he wants to have a go at spell casting, tries to copy Biankies' spell, but what he actually says is "Petrified Uncle Alex"_.)

PETRIFIED UNCLE ALEX: ( _appearing out of nowhere and screaming in a very Scottish accent_ ) THEY'RE AFTER ME! THE TERRIBLE BEASTIES ARE AFTER ME! HEELLLLPPP!

( _He dashes off, crashing into and mowing down Kassim as he goes. Omar drops the wand in shock._ )

KASSIM: Ow...

ANJION: ( _picking up the wand_ ) Maybe I should look after this for the time being...

BIANKIES: Good idea, Stars. Omar is scary with that thing.

MAC: He's even worse than the red haired guy.

RON: Hey!

MAC: Perhaps Dumbledore could help with Pie's, er, problem? Saves us going back to Snape...

BIANKIES: Well then, let's get him there before the spell wears off.

ITEY: Won't we get lost?

ANJION: No, we're the authors. We know everything!

SNODDY: So where do we go now?

ANJION: ( _looking at the four-way tunnel in confusion_ ) Um, this isn't in the movie...

LES: Hey, look at this fantastic map that Mouse has got...

BIANKIES: What were you saying about getting lost?

( _She holds up the Marauder's Map, smiling proudly_.)

ANJION: Where did you get _that_ , Mouse?!

DAVID: ( _wisely_ ) What matters is that she has it.

( _Anjion glares at him and then looks at the map_.)

ANJION: Oh look, there's Dumbledore's office! Thank goodness for our Mouse!

TUMBLER: ( _pointing at the map_ ) What's that?

SNITCH: It says 'Barty Crouch Jnr' underneath...

( _Biankies squeaks out the Chew Toy equivalent of 'Run' whilst pointing at the strange looking man behind them._ )

SWIFTY: Why does she want us to run?

RACE: Swifty, normally you need no excuse to run!

SWIFTY: Point taken! ( _He runs._ )

ANJION: Quickly! This way!

( _We all hurtle round a corner and collide with a huge, bearded creature in a vast moleskin overcoat._ )

OMAR AND SKITTERY: AAAAAAGGGHHH! ( _Omar leaps on Babkak and Skittery jumps on Mouse._ )

HAGRID: Hey there, why're you all runnin'?

KASSIM: ( _in a really high-pitched voice_ ) We're being chased by a crazy man with a wand!

MUSH: And we're looking for Dumbledore!

HAGRID: I can deal with the crazy man, but Dumbledore ain't here! He's away!

LUNA LOVEGOOD: Perhaps _I_ can help...

BIANKIES: ( _still trying to pry Skittery off_ ) Can you get rid of a love potion before this guy wakes up?

LUNA: I thought the boy in pink was just scared.

MUSH: He is. It's Pie here who ate something that scary teacher guy had.

RACE: Yeah, and then he started acting weird.

KASSIM: And these guys are weird enough _without_ little heart shaped eyes...

NEWSIES: Hey!

LUNA: Oh, it'll wear off on its own. Eventually.

MUSH: Well, that's something!

BABKAK: ( _who has finally got Omar back to ground level_ ) And we seem to have lost the crazy man. Can we go get something to eat now? I'm starving!

( _Suddenly, the corridor goes pitch black and there is a series of squeals, squeaks and screams, not to mention oofs and "Gerroff!"s as most of the group try to climb up each other.._.)

( _As soon as the lights come back Harry, Ron an Hermione find themselves staring at the pyramid of bodies made up of Newsies and our three thieves_.)

ANJION: ( _from somewhere at the bottom_ ) Harry, some help would be nice!

IAGO: ( _who sounds rather squashed_ ) Yeah! This is painful!

( _The three students quickly help everyone down, but a look over the congregated throng reveals that Snipeshooter, Mac and Lacey have vanished.._.)

SPOT: Where could they have gone to?

( _But before anyone can reply, Babkak spots a large cake floating in the air just in front of him..._ )

BABKAK: Mmmm, cake...

( _He starts to chase the cake as it zooms away_.)

OMAR: Babkak, come back!

BIANKIES: ( _to Anjion_ ) Keep your wand and Race close.

( _We all run in the direction Babkak disappeared in but before we can reach him, we hear loud barking and shouting..._ )

RON: Oh no! Fluffy!

OMAR: That doesn't sound very scary!

RON: You wait till you're up close and then tell me that again! See you later! ( _He runs off in the opposite direction._ )

ANJION: Race, we're gonna need your harmonica again...

( _We round another corner to see the amazing sight of Babkak apparently backing a huge, three-headed dog into a corner. Incredibly, instead of trying to eat Babkak, the dog is trying to keep its heads out of the reach of Babkak's fists!_ )

HARRY: How is he doing that?!

BABKAK: ( _angrily_ ) It ate my cake!

SNIPES, MAC AND LACEY: ( _reappearing, shocked_ ) Well, _that_ didn't go as planned...

BABKAK: ( _irate_ ) Wait - you _planned_ this?! GRRRRR!

BIANKIES: I think its best to run now.

LACEY AND MAC: We second that!

SNIPES: ( _hiding behind Anjion_ ) Yeah.

( _Babkak advances angrily.._.)

ANJION: There's no point hiding behind me, Snipes! I'm running too!

( _We turn and run off again, this time pursued by a furious Babkak. But then._..)

DREADED VOICE: ( _from somewhere up ahead_ ) What is it, my pretty? Can you smell that 'orrible bunch of kids that made such a mess at the Feast? We'll get 'em, you'll see!

ANJION: Oh no! It's Filch! We're trapped!

( _Without anywhere to go the Newsies and Hogwarts students decide to hide behind Anjion._..)

ANJION: Well, I suppose that's better than being jumped on...

LES: Hey, look at that witch statue! Isn't it ugly?

ANJION: ( _turning to look_ ) Hey, it's the one-eyed witch! I think there's a secret passage underneath, if I remember correctly...

( _She taps the statue's hump with her wand, says "Dissendium!", and the hump opens to reveal a secret passage._..)

DAVID: Where does it come out?

FRED AND GEORGE WEASLEY: The cellar of Honeydukes Sweetshop. Come on!

BIANKIES: ( _pulling Kassim, Anjion, Mac and Lacey aside_ ) We might want to keep Omar and Babkak close. Those two are disasters in a candy store.

LACEY: Spot too.

MAC: And some of the Manhattan boys...

KASSIM: This could be a problem...

ANJION: I see your point... Well, the best thing to do would be to get out of here.

FRED: Well, you can't go back. Filch will eat you alive.

KASSIM: Hey, Omar, get back here! You too Babkak!

MAC: Tumbler! Les! Don't even think about it...

OMAR: ( _from the top of the stairs_ ) Wow! Look at all these sweets!

TUMBLER AND LES: Wow! Come on, Omar, let's try them out!

LACEY, MAC, ANJION AND BIANKIES: No! Oh no...

BIANKIES: Okay Fred, George, will you help us get them?

LACEY: Yeah we gotta do something soon. Spot on a sugar high is scary.

FRED: We have to move fast then because they're already done with the sherbet lemons.

KASSIM: Babkak! Omar! You better stop eating candy or I'll let the blonde ferret boy turn you into something unpleasant!

DRACO: ( _smiling and completely missing the insult_ ) This should be fun.

( _Only Babkak, Tumbler and Les hear Kassim's warning_...)

DRACO: Right! ( _cracks his knuckles_ ) I'm gonna enjoy this...

( _He turns Omar into a rat just as Hermione comes through the door with Crookshanks in her arms.._.)

CROOKSHANKS: MEEEEEIIIOOOOWWWWW!

OMAR: SQUEEEEEEEEEAAAAAKKKKK!

HERMIONE: ( _as a massive chase begins_ ) No, Crookshanks! Stop it!

SKITTERY: Oh no! It's gonna eat him! What're we gonna do?!

ANJION: Don't worry, we'll think of something...

( _Just at that moment, a large, shaggy black dog bounds into the shop - causing even more havoc - and manages to herd the cat through the door.._.)

KASSIM: ( _picking up Omar_ ) That was close...

DRACO: I didn't think she'd bring that menace of hers here...

HARRY: At least Omar turned out to be fine. Now turn him back.

( _Draco performs the charm but all does not go as planned, because instead of changing Omar back into a human, the spell causes the sugar-high Spot to turn into a sugar-high Dalmatian puppy.._.)

LACEY: Oh great. Well, I'm not taking him for walkies!

CRUTCHIE: Look, guys, there's a strange little lady all in pink coming this way!

FRED, GEORGE AND ANJION: Uh oh...

BIANKIES: ( _hiding behind Fred_ ) Not Umbridge!

( _This causes Skittery and Omar to join in the cowering._ )

FRED: Are they _always_ this cowardly?

DRACO: They are the Cowardly Trio. Does that answer your question?

LACEY: ( _holding onto Spot_ ) Hey! Turn my boyfriend back into a human please. I have an idea...

HERMIONE: ( _reentering without Crookshanks_ ) Let _me_ do that. ( _She waves her wand with a flourish, restoring both Spot and Omar to their human selves._ ) There. Much better!

ANJION: Thanks Hermione. Right Lacey, do your stuff!

LACEY: ( _leaning closer to Spot_ ) Hey Spot, that lady works for Hearst and I heard her saying that the Brooklyn Newsies were a bunch of no good street rats that belong in the Refuge.

SPOT: ( _glaring daggers at Umbridge_ ) Oh yeah? Well she has another thing coming!

( _Spot storms up to Umbridge, yelling about Brooklyn being the best and how she better leave his Newsies alone.._.)

LACEY: Part one complete. Part two: Beat it!

MAC: Good one Lacey! Now run!

GEORGE: You go, we'll distract her! Got the fireworks, Fred?

FRED: Yes. See you guys later.

IAGO: I'll come with you. I like things that go bang...

( _And so we run off, eventually followed by a shocked Spot, until we find ourselves running into the Shrieking Shack_.)

OMAR: I-I don't like it here. K-Kassim, I wanna go home...

BUMLETS: Hey, what's that? ( _He points at what appears to be a large, dog-like creature curled up in the corner._ )

ANJION: ( _nervously, to Biankies_ ) I think we should beat a hasty retreat. I think that's Lupin...

BIANKIES: ( _nodding vigorously_ ) And quietly at that.

( _We all back up slowly until Anjion trips over her own feet, causing the creature to stir.._.)

SWIFTY: Good going Stars! You woke the scary dog thing!

OMAR, SKITTERY AND BIANKIES: Scary dog! Where?!

( _The werewolf is growling in a very threatening way by now.._.)

JACK: ( _grabbing Skittery_ ) Come on, let's get out of here!

KASSIM: ( _grabbing Omar_ ) Which way? We can't risk meeting that pink woman again!

ANJION: ( _grabbing Biankies_ ) This way! There's another secret passage... Comes out under the Whomping Willow...

SNODDY: The what Willow?

( _We make it to the end of the passage and get out safely..._ )

BIANKIES: Guys, we better duck!

( _The Whomping Willow starts moving threateningly... We all duck and run out of the tree's reach just before it really starts thrashing its branches about_.)

SNITCH: Phew! That was close!

BABKAK: Where next?

ANJION: ( _with gusto, holding up an imaginary sword_ ) To the castle!

TUMBLER AND LES: ( _doing the same_ ) To the castle!

OMAR: To the castle!

( _We run onwards until we crash into what appears to be a broomstick flying class.._.)

MADAM HOOCH: You are late for class! Grab your brooms!

( _We all do as we're told. Until Spot and Jack start to show off._..)

HARRY: Bad idea! Get back here!

DAVID: This cannot end well...

BABKAK: I'll get them down.

( _He gets on his broom and flies upwards with surprising skill, but before he can do anything else, Jack and Spot both collide with the wall_.)

ANJION: ( _sighing_ ) Looks like we're off to the Hospital wing next...

MAC: ( _to Harry and Draco, pointing to Jack and Spot_ ) Go get them!

DRACO: ( _folding his arms in protest_ ) Why should I?

LACEY: Because I'll set Brooklyn on you if you don't!

MAC: What about Babkak?

( _At this moment, Babkak slips off his broomstick and plummets downwards... straight towards Kassim.._.)

KASSIM: Uh oh...

BABKAK: ( _a few moments later_ ) Well, at least I got a soft landing.

KASSIM: ( _from underneath him_ ) Owwwww...

( _Harry and Draco pick up the two unconscious Newsies and disappear while Aladdin and Mush rescue Kassim_.)

ANJION: Come on, we'd better catch up with Jack and Spot...

( _A few minutes later, in a random corridor_ )

ANJION: Mouse, do you recognise this corridor? It doesn't look at all familiar... Perhaps we should try this door...

GHOSTLY VOICE: Hey, this is a _Girls'_ toilet, you know...

ANJION: Oh no, not Moaning Myrtle...

OMAR: ( _nervously_ ) Sh-she's scary.

BIANKIES: She's not that bad.

MYRTLE: She's right. I'm only nasty to people I don't like.

OMAR: Still scary... ( _He hides behind Babkak_.)

MYRTLE: Are you always this cowardly?

( _Omar looks like he's going to start crying._ )

HARRY: ( _reappearing_ ) Myrtle, don't be nasty. Come on, we need to hurry or we'll be late for Defence Against the Dark Arts.

ANJION: Who's the teacher?

HARRY: Professor Lupin...

MUSH: I-Is he s-scary?

SKITTERY: Hey! _I'm_ the cowardly Newsie!

KASSIM: ( _shaking his head_ ) Why are they arguing about it? Omar's the biggest coward here.

OMAR: Hey!

HARRY: Hurry up. If we're late we'll get detention!

ANJION: Don't worry, Mush; when he's human, he's lovely. It's when he's a werewolf that you need to look out...

OMAR: W-Werewolf?!

( _He tries to bolt but Babkak grabs the back of his shirt and holds on._ )

ANJION: ( _to Biankies_ ) I hope he's doing Boggarts today. I'd love to see what Omar's greatest fear is...

BIANKIES: Me too, but I don't want a turn...

( _A few moments later_ )

PROFESSOR LUPIN: Welcome! Today we will be studying how to defeat a Boggart.

( _He points to the large cupboard in the centre of the room, which is creaking and rattling alarmingly_.)

KASSIM: What's a Boggart?

DRACO: Wait and see.

OMAR: I think I'm gonna stand over here with Mouse...

LUPIN: Ok, who's first?

( _An unnamed girl steps up to the front, Lupin waves his wand to release the creature, and suddenly a large china doll with those scary eyes and a large crack in her head appears. The girl shouts "Riddikulus!" and suddenly the doll becomes a lifesized clown... and Omar bolts from the room_.)

ALADDIN: Quick, after him! We don't want him lost again!

( _We all dash after him and then struggle to brake when we see him standing at the end of the corridor, gazing fearfully at something in the sky; something large and green.._.)

ANJION: Huh? The Dark Mark? Oh no, please don't let that mean...

COLIN CREEVEY: ( _excitedly_ ) The Death Eaters! There are Death Eaters here!

ANJION: ( _clinging to the equally frightened Biankies_ ) Oh no... Please no...

BIANKIES: ( _trying to hide behind Anjion who is still squishing her_ ) I don't like them.

RON: Don't just stand there! Come help us!

ANJION: ( _releasing Biankies and pulling herself together_ ) Yes, let's help. We can be heroes for once!

JACK: ( _who has now recovered from his fight with the wall_ ) Yeah, we can Strike!

DAVID: Er, Jack, I think you're missing the point...

ANJION: ( _waving her wand above her head_ ) To the battle!

NEWSIES AND JACK: To the battle!

HOGWARTS STUDENTS: To the battle!

( _And, yelling like a group of banshees, we charge at the gathered hoards of Death Eaters, and it isn't long before the air is filled with sizzling spells and people – good and bad alike – start falling over in many decorative ways..._ )

 _(And all the while, the three Cowards try, rather unsuccessfully, to escape..._ )

KASSIM: ( _grabbing hold of Skittery and Omar_ ) Oh no you don't! You're part of this team!

BABKAK: ( _collaring_ _Biankies_ ) Come back here! Stars needs her partner in crime!

ANJION: Thanks Babkak! I can't be without her!

( _She fires the "Stupefy!" spell at an approaching Death Eater but he somehow deflects it and it hits Kassim instead, making him go all floppy and start happily murmuring unintelligible sentences.._.)

ANJION: Well, _that_ wasn't meant to happen...

BIANKIES: Let me outta here!

( _She tries to run away again but ends up tripping and falling over Kassim.._.)

KASSIM: ( _becoming lucid once more_ ) Ouch! Watch it, Mouse!

RON: ( _duelling fiercely with a young Death Eater_ ) Less hiding, more fighting!

DRACO: I agree! ( _He turns to another Death Eater_ ) Stupefy!

MUSH: I thought Stars and Mouse said you were one of the bad guys!

DRACO: Well, I don't think I want to follow _these_ guys! Far too incompetent!

KASSIM: I've got an idea. Mouse, Mush and Dragon boy ( _points at Draco_ ) come with me!

ANJION: ( _to Babkak and Race, who are fighting on either side of her_ ) I wonder what Kassim is planning.

RACE: ( _casually turning another Death Eater into a toad_ ) Whatever it is, it had better be good!

( _Meanwhile, Iago and Omar are also fighting together. Or rather, Iago is fighting and Omar is waving his wand about at random... Then a rogue spell hits Iago's hand._ )

IAGO: Ow! ( _He examines his hand._ ) Oh look, my finger's bleeding.

OMAR: Hey! That's _my_ line! No fair!

KASSIM: Mouse, go get Omar, Iago and maybe Stars too, and you better hurry! Mush, go find a megaphone or something, and Blondie, you're in charge of smoke and scary things.

( _A few minutes later the group return and all preparations are complete_.)

OMAR: ( _still waving his wand_ ) Please tell me I get to use this thing some more.

KASSIM: No, we're going to use our spooky voices. Now here's the plan...

( _A few minutes later an eerie fog creeps onto the battle field_...)

DEATH EATERS: ( _pausing_ ) Huh? What's going on?

( _Then two strange voices – one high-pitched and whiney, the other deep and growly – cut through the muffled sounds of the battle._ )

LOW VOICE: Desist this madness at once!

HIGH VOICE: Or the mighty Kassim will pummel you!

LOW VOICE: ( _in a loud whisper_ ) Omar, you weren't supposed to say my _name_! Now they _know_ it's us!

HIGH VOICE: Sorry...

( _The Death Eaters, who had been running away, turn back at this and start running towards us._..)

MUSH: Here they come!

ANJION: Just as planned! Iago, do your stuff!

( _Iago – who, thanks to a clever spell, can see through the fog – throws a handful of his favourite exploding powder into the midst of the Death Eaters, scattering them left, right and centre._..)

VOLDEMORT: ( _nervously_ ) Fight, you fools, _fight_!

LUCIUS MALFOY: Not when they can make us explode without wands!

SPOOKY VOICE: You'd better run!

( _We all run through the hoards of fleeing Death Eaters in terribly slow motion, brandishing our wands above our heads and yelling a variety of strangely echoey battle cries. Time speeds back up just before we reach Voldemort and we all skid to a stop in front of him before moving to surround him_.)

VOLDEMORT: Foolish children! You have no chance of defeating me! I will _crush_ you!

HARRY: Stop this, Voldemort, we've got you surrounded. And your precious Death Eaters have gone.

( _Voldemort looks around him and suddenly he doesn't look so confident._ )

HARRY: You see? We've got you.

VOLDEMORT: Go away! Go away or I'll... I'll... I'll send you to the Refuge!

JACK: ( _confused and worried_ ) There's a Refuge here too?

ANJION: ( _frowning_ ) Wait a minute, that doesn't sound like Voldemort...

( _She performs a revealing spell on Voldemort and it isn't long before his features start to change into those of a very familiar – and much hated – person..._ )

NEWSIES: It's Snyder!

( _At the sound of the much hated name every Newsie (and cowardly person) tries to hide behind the Hogwarts students..._ )

KASSIM: Come on guys! You go on High Adventures every day, don't tell me you're scared of him!

NEWSIES: Yeah, we're scared of the Spider!

LES: He locks Newsies up for no reason!

OMAR: ( _confronting Snyder in a rare moment of bravery_ ) You shouldn't lock kids up; it ain't...nice... ( _He quails under Snyder's glare._ ) I think I'm gonna go hide over here...

ANJION: ( _looking at Omar_ ) Mouse, I think I have an idea...

( _She goes over to Omar and whispers in his ear._ )

OMAR: OK... ( _He stands up in one fluid moment, points his wand at Voldemort and yells..._ ) "PETRIFIED UNCLE ALEX!"

PETRIFIED UNCLE ALEX: ( _bursting forth_ ) THE BEASTIES ARE AFTER ME! AGAIN! WILL THEY NOT LEAVE ME ALONE?!

( _He lunges at Snyder in terror and nearly throttles him_.)

SNYDER: ( _in shock_ ) Get off! Leave me alone! H-help!

( _And he turns and flees, chased by the terrified Scotsman, leaving behind a group of very relieved Newsies and triumphant students. As soon as Snyder has disappeared,_ _everyone cheers and starts patting Omar on the back_.)

BIANKIES: Well, I hate to say it but it's time to go. We gotta sell papes tomorrow.

ALADDIN: I know how we can get home.

IAGO: Are we flying again?

KASSIM: No! No flying! I refuse!

HARRY: Why? Flying isn't so bad.

SKITTERY: ( _nervously_ ) You haven't flown with Genie yet.

GENIE: ( _popping up as usual_ ) You called?

IAGO: ( _smiling with excitement_ ) We need a lift back home.

KASSIM: ( _trying not to look terrified but failing_ ) No we don't!

ANJION: Don't be silly, Kassim. Genie's going to pay more attention to what he's flying into this time. Aren't you, Genie? ( _She looks pointedly at him._ ) Besides, Iago's right, we _do_ need a lift home.

KASSIM: No, you can't make me -

( _At a signal from Biankies, Babkak and a large, burly student step up and lift the struggling Kassim onto the carpet. The rest of us quickly climb on after him and then, waving goodbye to our new friends, we fly into the portal which has conveniently reappeared and are back in Manhattan a few moments later_.)

LES: Hey look, it's stopped raining!

EVERYONE: Hooray!

ANJION: ( _who has just managed to release Biankies from Kassim's desperately tight grip_ ) So tomorrow you'll all be back to work, right?

NEWSIES: Awwwwwww...

( _And in the resulting commotion, no one notices Pie Eater eating a suspiciously pink cupcake that he stole from a certain Potion Master's classroom.._.)

The End

* * *

Epilogue:

( _Later, in the bunkroom at the Lodging House_ )

SNIPES: ( _unloading an armful of strange gadgets on the floor_ ) Come on Boots! Did you get the Trick Wands?

BOOTS: ( _dropping another armful_ ) Yep. I've got a Boxing Telescope too.

SNITCH: Heh, that'd be _perfect_ for Spot...

ITEY: I've got something called a Decoy Detonator. Apparently it makes copies of itself which run off making honking noises.

SNIPES: That'll be fun!

SNITCH: Yeah! It's a pity we already used our Darkness Powder stuff...

BOOTS: But it _was_ for a good cause...

ITEY: So, who are we giving the wands to?

SNIPES: ( _with a sly grin_ ) I know just the person. ( _He goes to the door and calls out_ ) Oh Omar! I've got a present for you...


End file.
